Ghost; The Unseen Disorder of PTSD
Updates From the Author
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11/02/2015: Some interviews are being cut from Ghost; The Unseen Disorder of PTSD. I have my reasons for making this decision. Wasted time? Yes, but it's better to get it right and give the world an honest view on PTSD, then to rush and do a shitty job.
Military language is Greek to me, but I'm learning it and loving it. The chapter on the Corpsman has been without a doubt the most emotional and difficult part of Ghost for me to write. The more I work on this project, the fonder my heart grows for our Military and others who suffer from PTSD.
Please know that that there are many, many alternatives to suicide. We all have different "triggers" and demons. Those around us sometimes do not understand why we act the way we do when those buttons are pushed. How can they? They have never stepped into our shoes.
Learn to recognize your triggers and exactly what can send you into an emotional tail spin. Staying ahead of the game is key. Find gratitude in the basics....the very basics of life. For me, it might be that I can breath or that I have a roof over my head. Many do not. What are you grateful for today?
I have yet to meet a weak person who has been handed a heavy lot to handle in life. Use your strength to survive. Surround yourself with those who love and care for you. Personally, I tend to keep a safe distance from those who judge and or ridicule. It makes no difference whether they are blood relatives or just acquaintances. I'm way past worrying about whether I might hurt someone by eliminating them from my life. The love and positive energy I have to give is far better spent on those who truly are my loved ones.
Finally, take the time to glance at our world. There is beauty, comfort and healing in nature...fallen leaves, freshly cut grass, a flower, the incredible perfection of a tree, the ocean, rivers, wildlife....the list goes on. Find your comfort zone and cherish it!
Peace! <3JM
10/14/2015: I took trip to witness and observe with my own eyes, PTSD in New York City. What I witnessed was violence, gang activity, well known landmarks, and my presence was (overall) welcomed by the seemingly open-minded people of New York.
It was an amazing experience. I was accompanied by a driver, who is a friend of mine. We met with our terrific tour guides/friends of friends/body guards in Union Square. I was introduced to them and my smile and "hello" was met with a warm New York hug. William was older and more comedic. Arc was younger and the quieter and more guarded of the pair. Both of them were hard core Brooklyn street-wise dudes. I like people with "edge," or those who stand out, are different and have a more colorful persona. I like those with a great sense of humor and a high level of intelligence. I liked William and Ace instantly.
As a PTSD sufferer, my antennae go up quickly these days if I sense danger, but I did not feel threatened for a second while I was in their company. By contrast, I felt relaxed, crazy-fun, and well protected and grateful for their presence. I was completely respectful of them and they returned the sentiment.
We listened to Hip-Hop music and cruised through New York. William had me laughing with his quick-witted remarks and animated accents of other languages. Seeing Manhattan and Time Square was fun. My head was spinning because every other second, one or the other of them was yelling, "Hey Jo, there's Radio City Hall!" Or, "Whoa, you just missed the 911 site." "Look! You are missing all the good stuff...that was the Wax Museum."
I was working. This trip was a deliberate attempt to study PTSD in a culture about which I was uneducated. I was observing and asking them questions. But I was also laughing nearly the entire time.
When my (female) driver or I needed to stop for coffee or to use a restroom, one of these men was sure to accompany whoever went into the store. The other two stayed in the car. No words or directions such as "you wait here, I'm going into the store with her" were given. It was unspoken and automatic. They were shielding us.
We ended up in Brooklyn at around 1 a.m. Yes, most of Brooklyn is a down and dirty area of New York. But it's rough because it is poverty and crime-ridden. These people didn't exactly sign up for their lives in this environment. It was dealt to them as children. There are some decent areas of Brooklyn, but for the most part the not-so-happy-go-lucky areas of that Borough encompass a relatively high and crowded population of our nation's largest city.
Arc was reserved and watchful while in Manhattan, but once we crossed into Brooklyn he seemed to become quieter and tenser. I sensed that he was now in more hyper-vigilant state of mind, but in a completely different way than anything that has been described thus far in "Ghost".
These guys were raised from infancy to be on guard and watchful at all times. Those two qualities are intrinsic in those who live in this culture on a daily basis. Those who grew up in the "Projects" in Brooklyn have never had a single break in their lives. Not one. Their level of survival or better yet, their definition of survival completely differs from anything I have yet to describe in Ghost.
I believe that the base of humanity is good. I have faith in that belief because it's a fact that we are born into a state of innocence. PTSD sufferers are human first and everything else about them is environmental. I didn't need to take the time to ask these guys if they had PTSD. These guys are way past feeling the effects of PTSD. They do not cry and they do not act out. They have rock hard souls and any symptoms of PTSD had to be put aside or buried for them at a very young age. Don't think for a minute that the human side of them did not still exist. It was there. I felt warmth and hospitality. The guys had just met me and considered me family. Love exists in the hearts of William and Ace, but the other base emotion, fear, exists as well. Their lives operate on fear. It makes them cautious and careful, as they should be.
We made several stops and I was invited into the homes of their family members. I did not hesitate. The women I met were lovely and smiled widely at me. The children I met were so cute, I just wanted to hug them, and the other family members were equally warm to me.
We stopped into some sort of club in the basement of a row home. I did not feel as welcomed in that place. I smiled at everyone and out of about 20 young African American women, only one said hello and smiled back at me. I understood. They had no idea who I was and they did not trust me. As reserved as they were, I still felt no hostility.
I do not appreciate being judged, especially by those who know nothing about me. Yet our society is quick to criticize, stigmatize and run in fear of these people who have the worst stories on earth about things they have witnessed in their lives. Murder, death of children, knife and firefights in the street...over territory or respect......every possible frightening and unimaginable situation to the average American is a part of their every waking moment.
Those in our society, who come from the streets, commit crimes and spend time in jails and prison for years, feel the same pain as anyone with PTSD. Somewhat like our Military, this culture of people is simply programmed not to wear their emotions on their sleeve....THAT is how they survive.
I am psyched to write this chapter. It's very powerful. Again, my goal in finishing this project is to touch on as many unique situations concerning PTSD as possible, so that more of the good people who suffer from PTSD might find help, refuge or identify/become educated from at least one of the chapters written in "Ghost".
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09/27/2015: A very powerful message I received from the wife of a Marine Grunt:
I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing the right thing in pushing back the date. PTSD is a very complicated issue. ..I deal with it every day and talk about it very little, because most people just don't get it. The kids' dad and I have lived with it for over 10 years now since his return from Iraq. It has taken him since 2003 to even begin to face some of the demons that haunt him. He has been hospitalized months at a time to fight suicidal and homocidal ideations.
They medicate him more and more to mask the stmpoms and control the behaviors, but never do they deal with the root of the problem. Never has he been asked to talk about his experiences....to deal with the pain. It took years before he was even able to tell me some of the things that he saw. He lives in his own little world and comes out when he is able. His kids missed having a dad and are now only beginning to really understand some of it.
The VA is flawed in so many ways, mostly due to being understaffed, but many if those who suffer from PTSD also may continue to go to the VA out of fear because they are comfortable there..if they are like my husband they do not like change..change scares him, so even though he has opportunities to seek help elsewhere he refuses. It's a hard road..I love him with all my heart. I would be lying if I said I never thought of giving up on him and starting over myself (I'm more of a care taker than a wife), but those thoughts are short lived.
So thank you for taking the time to not only write the book, but for being so thorough in your research. Every attempt to get people to understand is a step in the right direction.
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Thank you for your input! It's extremely important and perhaps one person can and will identify with your story! <3JM <3 <3 <3
Let me start by saying that I’m not at all happy
that the release date of this book had to be pushed back. I waffled on it but in the end, made my
decision. Delaying this project is
necessary for a number of reasons. I
weighed these reasons carefully and discussed them with a number of people who
are helping/advising me on this project.
Releasing Ghost will help those who are interested
in reading it. I’m sure of that. That is my intention and I am achieving that
goal in what has been written thus far.
However, it seems as if the more I write, look, listen and learn, these unique
PTSD scenarios and ways to help contain it seem to continually be brought to my
attention. I want to explore them all.
My goal is
not only to help the public gain an understanding of this disorder and its
residual conditions, but obviously to help those who suffer from PTSD. In order to help those who are afflicted with
this disorder or have a loved one who is afflicted, I need to include as many
possible varieties of the pain level suffered by a larger variety of traumas
which cause PTSD, different symptoms that are exhibited and most importantly,
different ways to put up a slammer-gloves-off fight against those demons that
haunt us.
Everyone’s story is different. I would be devastated if I missed an
opportunity to include a story with which even one person could have identified. I want people to say, “Hey, I’m not
alone….” I want those who read Ghost to
feel understood, rather than mis-judged. I want to spread hope for people. I want to
educate those who do not suffer from this disorder, and I want those who do
suffer from PTSD to have the opportunity to choose any of a variety of paths to
recovery taken successfully by others.
I have some additional interviews to do. They are very powerful and are well spread
across socioeconomic statuses and race and religious boundaries. My two final PTSD patient interviews will be
conducted and written in the next month.
I also want to do a chapter on some issues surrounding the VA which I
feel will be pertinent to the reader. I
have yet another idea up my sleeve as well and it’s big. I see three huge issues surrounding PTSD and
the military that I want to offer up for betterment. That too is an additional chapter for
Ghost. I’m not sure whether I can make a
difference in our society, but I’m going to try. After all, it’s better to try and fail than
not to try at all.
As many of you know, I too am a PTSD sufferer. But I consider myself a survivor. Every day above ground is a good day for me. I
should have been dead a long time ago.
But while working on this project, I’ve personally had to do some
emotional re-adjusting as well. I’m
taking on the pain of others.
There is a
test on the website of Best-Selling Author, Tara Meyer-Robson concerning whether you are an Empath. In a nutshell, being an Empath means that others are able to drain energy from you.... energy which is can be put to better use by using it in your own healing process. I believe this has a direct correlation with PTSD. I took the test and failed every question! J
Well, I’m sure Ms. Meyer-Robson, a very positive and enlightening person, would not consider it failing, but you get my
meaning. I’m in the 100 percentile of being an Empath. (BTW, her website is
really cool!) You can take her test and learn more about being an Empath by clicking here: Tara Meyer Robson . Her work has helped my PTSD recovery process in many ways.
As a PTSD patient, I have learned to recognize my triggers and to anticipate when I’m getting overwhelmed which, for me leads to enormous stress and depression. I’ve learned to stop that process before I “go” there and being an Empath has everything to do with that.
I had to force myself to slow down and give myself some breathing room
from this project…..that’s admittedly one other reason I’ve had to push that
release date back. I needed to take some time
to pick up that second grade photo of myself, look into the pain in that little
girl’s eyes and tell her she’s okay…I will protect her. She needs my reassurance every now and then.
All is now cool and well. I’m moving along according
to what my heart is telling me to do with this project. I honestly believe moving back the release
date and adding more to this piece, as well as taking a week or two of “JoJo”
time was the right decision. The book
will be all the more helpful for you in the long run and that is what I intend
to and will accomplish. Peace. <3JM
PS/If you are leaving comments on my Blog, I have no
way of knowing that. I have been told
that people are commenting, but I’m unable to see them. In fact, I wonder how many negative comments
are showing. ( J
) I’m in the middle of a very frustrating battle with Google over this right now. In any case, if you have something to say or
ask, please use my Google email at joanne08301961@gmail.com
for now. I will respond to as many messages as possible. I love people and have no problem letting you
know who I am on a personal level. Hugs!
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