Do Not Get Involved' Sibling Rivalry
Lois Simonds
Rewritten by
Joanne Moore
Sitting by the Delaware River gives me artistic
inspiration. It must have a really cool
and positive spirit. And that is where I
sat at 1pm today thinking about my writing.
I want some guidance on my next piece because it is about Ghost Diseases
and is named appropriately already. I
know that I also want to show myself to the world. I want people to hear about Ghost Diseases
from those who have them! Specifically,
I suffer from some, thus I feel qualified to write on the subject.
One thought (as usual) led to another and I thought about
my childhood for the 98th time in the past few weeks.
As my mother used to say, (“In my unsolicited opinion,”),
so now you get mine; everything we are and all that we do stems from what
shaped and formed us as children. Our
strengths, our weaknesses, our trigger points, our needed boundaries, and of
course the scars we wear. Everyone has
scars. Seriously, if you wish to dispute
that, show me one “normal” person? There
is no “normal” in my eyes.
More thoughts rolled into the sponge of emotions that is
my brain. I went into my office and
pulled out my mother’s memorial book. I
have seven siblings and one of them was kind enough to create a sort of, book
with prayers from her memorial service, her poetry, which was found after she
passed away, photographs of her from Berwick High School to Penn State, into
the 60’s and in her elderly years. I added my own person trophies, which mainly
consist of many, many letters that she wrote to me over the years. This
book contains lots of great memories and I appreciate the fact that one of my
siblings took the initiative to do this.
Having a family of eight children is a dysfunctional
environment waiting to happen. At least
it was in my case. I am the seventh of
the eight. Psychologically, I don’t know
where that puts me and I don’t care. The
eight of us are now adults and it’s up to us to make our own changes in life.
When I was living in Wisconsin many years ago, My mother,
a journalist and novelist by trade, would send me ramblings of her thoughts in
the form of extremely well written and humorous words. I found one today that I want to Blog…….in
her name and in her honor. This one is
about sibling rivalry. This could be a
touchy piece with my family. But it’s
true, it happened and my intentions are purely to honor my mother’s work and
not to hurt or upset any of my siblings.
With that said, I have changed the names of everyone
named in this letter by her. Otherwise,
It is word for word.
Lois Simonds (Sometime between 1990 -2000)
There is one firm rule for a mother of several
strong-minded , opinionated, assertive, grown children. And that rule, always to be followed is “Do
not get involved”! Sit back, be
detached, and never, never interfere in the lives of those scrappy
adults-especially in the business dealings they may have with one another. This
detachment must be maintained, even though at times, the mother is deluged by
phone call from one or another adult child, proclaiming the righteousness of
his or her stand on inner-family disputes.
Do Not Get INVOLVED. Use the
traditional retort “Really”……..“How about that!” responses, innocuous by
safe!
A phone call next from XX. ZZ has been dragging his feet not getting
back to her about plans and costs for the new house. After all, this is her
dream home and she knows what she wants. Right?
ZZ acts like he doesn’t want to build the house. What should she do?
Not a shovel of dirt has been unturned and the siblings
are at war already. The mother wonders
and worries about the possible estrangement-maybe even permanent
estrangement-of the two children when they really begin fighting over
the building project.
Another phone call from XX- ZZ is acting disinterested in
building the house. The mother suggests
cautiously, “you know that ZZ really likes to build speculation houses because
he doesn’t want to deal with people and the changes they want.” “Maybe XX would be wise to get estimates from
another builder,” the mother suggests.
And XX agrees.
On the recommendation of another brother, hypothetical RR, XX contacts UU Contractor, who with his partner does framing for the hypothetical ZZ. It would be no conflict to build a house, UU Contractor tells XX and her husband, adding he was anxious to do the job. He would get back to them within a week with an estimate, UU Contractor reported.
Three weeks go by and no contact. UU Contractor does not even return XX’s phone
calls. The mystery of UU Contractor’s disappearance into the woodwork was later
solved but we won’t get into that. Then
XX calls the mother, informing her they have found a great builder. QQ Contracting who said he would build their
house for $5000 less than ZZ. Further,
he would provide 400 square feet more for the same low price. Great, declares the mother, thankful that she
Did Not Get Involved.
ZZ calls the mother and asks, rather disinterestedly,
“Has XX found another builder?” The
mother mentions that the builder will be some man, QQ Contracting. “Oh, no!” is ZZ’s response. There was a long silence, and then the mother
asked, “What’s wrong with him?” (hoping that ZZ’s obvious disapproval centered
on color rather than reputation). “Oh
nothing. I just wish she had gone with
UU Contractor. He’d build a much better house for XX,” replied ZZ.
The mother immediately has the image of XX’s with a
crooked roof, slanting doors. The vision continues with the house now crumbling
into a pile of used lumber with the onslaught of 25-mile per hour winds. But the mother remembers. Do Not Get Involved. This is, however, some handwringing. Three
weeks go by with XX calling in the interim to report her satisfaction with the
new builder.
“He listens to me. He is so easy to deal with,” she babbles.Then XX’s enthusiasm wanes somewhat. The mother doesn’t press.
XX’s sister, who we shall call hypothetical VV calls to inform
the mother that XX and her husband discovered in the small print in the building
contract that construction could take nine months. The mother’s heart sinks. With their Pocono home sold, XX and her family
have been living in her parent’s home. But
for nine months? ZZ calls and during the
conversation, he asks about XX’s building plans, noting that he is between projects
and now wants to construct XX’s new house.
“Is the final contract with QQ Contracting signed yet?” he
asks. The mother reports what the hypothetical
VV told her – the possible nine month construction span. “Why don’t you call your sister and tell her that
you now want to do the job?” suggests the mother. “No. You
call her. After all, you are the one who
lost the building project for me,” said ZZ, laughing a little – just a little.
ZZ is now going to build XX’s new house. He has matched QQ
Contracting – board by board and the cost will be $100 less, the mother was informed
by XX. Further, her brother has promised
to have the house finished in four months.
And the mother, who grows more hypothetical by the day, no
longer cares if ZZ and XX are no longer speaking after the new house is built. She has a new concern. Will Cassie, MM and his wife's dog attack Jo and Mark’s dogs during the
visit to Wisconsin in April, thus causing friction between Jo and her brother MM?
But the mother has learned her lesson. Do not get involved.
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