Monday, April 20, 2015

Do Not Get Involved; Sibling Rivaly. Written by Lois Simonds. Edited and rewritten by daughter, Joanne Moore


Do Not Get Involved' Sibling Rivalry

Lois Simonds

Rewritten by Joanne Moore

Sitting by the Delaware River gives me artistic inspiration.  It must have a really cool and positive spirit.  And that is where I sat at 1pm today thinking about my writing.  I want some guidance on my next piece because it is about Ghost Diseases and is named appropriately already.  I know that I also want to show myself to the world.  I want people to hear about Ghost Diseases from those who have them!  Specifically, I suffer from some, thus I feel qualified to write on the subject.

One thought (as usual) led to another and I thought about my childhood for the 98th time in the past few weeks. 

As my mother used to say, (“In my unsolicited opinion,”), so now you get mine; everything we are and all that we do stems from what shaped and formed us as children.  Our strengths, our weaknesses, our trigger points, our needed boundaries, and of course the scars we wear.  Everyone has scars.  Seriously, if you wish to dispute that, show me one “normal” person?  There is no “normal” in my eyes. 

More thoughts rolled into the sponge of emotions that is my brain.  I went into my office and pulled out my mother’s memorial book.  I have seven siblings and one of them was kind enough to create a sort of, book with prayers from her memorial service, her poetry, which was found after she passed away, photographs of her from Berwick High School to Penn State, into the 60’s and in her elderly years. I added my own person trophies, which mainly consist of many, many letters that she wrote to me over the years.   This book contains lots of great memories and I appreciate the fact that one of my siblings took the initiative to do this.

Having a family of eight children is a dysfunctional environment waiting to happen.  At least it was in my case.  I am the seventh of the eight.  Psychologically, I don’t know where that puts me and I don’t care.  The eight of us are now adults and it’s up to us to make our own changes in life.

When I was living in Wisconsin many years ago, My mother, a journalist and novelist by trade, would send me ramblings of her thoughts in the form of extremely well written and humorous words.  I found one today that I want to Blog…….in her name and in her honor.  This one is about sibling rivalry.  This could be a touchy piece with my family.  But it’s true, it happened and my intentions are purely to honor my mother’s work and not to hurt or upset any of my siblings.   

With that said, I have changed the names of everyone named in this letter by her.  Otherwise, It is word for word.


Lois Simonds (Sometime between 1990 -2000)

 (There is no salutation). 

There is one firm rule for a mother of several strong-minded , opinionated, assertive, grown children.  And that rule, always to be followed is “Do not get involved”!  Sit back, be detached, and never, never interfere in the lives of those scrappy adults-especially in the business dealings they may have with one another. This detachment must be maintained, even though at times, the mother is deluged by phone call from one or another adult child, proclaiming the righteousness of his or her stand on inner-family disputes.  Do Not Get INVOLVED.  Use the traditional retort “Really”……..“How about that!” responses, innocuous by safe! 

 Example:  Take the hypothetical case of one adult child, who with her husband, wants to have a new home built.   We will call her XX.  Her brother, who for reasons of clarity, we will call ZZ, is a home builder.  XX and her husband would like ZZ to construct their new home. ZZ and his partner, who we shall call YY are interested and initial discussions on cost and type of house begin.  The mother has been informed of this by both XX and ZZ.  Then comes a phone call from ZZ complaining that he feels pressured by XX to expect upgrades in the building project, without expecting increased costs.  “I don’t want to do this.  YY (his partner) wants to, but I don’t.” ZZ declares.  DO NOT GET INVOLVED the mother reminds herself.

A phone call next from XX.  ZZ has been dragging his feet not getting back to her about plans and costs for the new house. After all, this is her dream home and she knows what she wants. Right?  ZZ acts like he doesn’t want to build the house.  What should she do?

Not a shovel of dirt has been unturned and the siblings are at war already.  The mother wonders and worries about the possible estrangement-maybe even permanent estrangement-of the two children when they really begin fighting over the building project.

Another phone call from XX- ZZ is acting disinterested in building the house.  The mother suggests cautiously, “you know that ZZ really likes to build speculation houses because he doesn’t want to deal with people and the changes they want.”  “Maybe XX would be wise to get estimates from another builder,” the mother suggests.  And XX agrees.

On the recommendation of another brother, hypothetical RR, XX contacts UU Contractor, who with his partner does framing for the hypothetical ZZ.  It would be no conflict to build a house, UU Contractor tells XX and her husband, adding he was anxious to do the job.  He would get back to them within a week with an estimate, UU Contractor reported.

Three weeks go by and no contact.  UU Contractor does not even return XX’s phone calls. The mystery of UU Contractor’s disappearance into the woodwork was later solved but we won’t get into that.  Then XX calls the mother, informing her they have found a great builder.  QQ Contracting who said he would build their house for $5000 less than ZZ.  Further, he would provide 400 square feet more for the same low price.  Great, declares the mother, thankful that she Did Not Get Involved.

ZZ calls the mother and asks, rather disinterestedly, “Has XX found another builder?”  The mother mentions that the builder will be some man, QQ Contracting.  “Oh, no!” is ZZ’s response.  There was a long silence, and then the mother asked, “What’s wrong with him?” (hoping that ZZ’s obvious disapproval centered on color rather than reputation).  “Oh nothing.  I just wish she had gone with UU Contractor. He’d build a much better house for XX,” replied ZZ.

The mother immediately has the image of XX’s with a crooked roof, slanting doors. The vision continues with the house now crumbling into a pile of used lumber with the onslaught of 25-mile per hour winds.  But the mother remembers.  Do Not Get Involved.  This is, however, some handwringing. Three weeks go by with XX calling in the interim to report her satisfaction with the new builder.

“He listens to me. He is so easy to deal with,” she babbles.Then XX’s enthusiasm wanes somewhat.  The mother doesn’t press.

XX’s sister, who we shall call hypothetical VV calls to inform the mother that XX and her husband discovered in the small print in the building contract that construction could take nine months. The mother’s heart sinks.  With their Pocono home sold, XX and her family have been living in her parent’s home.  But for nine months?  ZZ calls and during the conversation, he asks about XX’s building plans, noting that he is between projects and now wants to construct XX’s new house.

“Is the final contract with QQ Contracting signed yet?” he asks.  The mother reports what the hypothetical VV told her – the possible nine month construction span.  “Why don’t you call your sister and tell her that you now want to do the job?” suggests the mother.  “No.  You call her.  After all, you are the one who lost the building project for me,” said ZZ, laughing a little – just a little.  

 Do Not Get Involved-Do Not Get Involved, the mother muttered as she dialed XX’s number.


ZZ is now going to build XX’s new house. He has matched QQ Contracting – board by board and the cost will be $100 less, the mother was informed by XX.  Further, her brother has promised to have the house finished in four months.

And the mother, who grows more hypothetical by the day, no longer cares if ZZ and XX are no longer speaking after the new house is built.  She has a new concern.  Will Cassie, MM and his wife's dog attack Jo and Mark’s dogs during the visit to Wisconsin in April, thus causing friction between Jo and her brother MM?

But the mother has learned her lesson.  Do not get involved.  

 

No comments:

Post a Comment